Daddy Time with Mr. Mom

Biased views of beauty

Whenever I look at my kids, I think to myself  "These are possibly two of the most perfect specimens of human beauty I've ever laid eyes on." I'm sure this is a natural reaction to one's offspring, and not all that unique in the animal world ( both human and other ). But then, I have to think to myself "Are they really perfect, or is it just my natural bias because they sprung from my beautiful wife's loins?"

Honestly people, this is what I think about...

I think my kids are smart and savvy. My daughter is the picture of coy, irresistably shy beauty. My son, the portrait of dashing, confident charm. They both receive reports from their preschool claiming their apparent above average intellects. Both enjoy vocabularies and conceptual understandings far beyond their years... Or so it seems to me. Is this truth or the well spun biological bias of some parental chromosome germane to all parents? The facts on this matter may never be known.

The one thing I can be absolutely sure of is the fact that they are, indeed, perfect in my eyes. Their subtle flaws and weaknesses only prove his. My son's willingness to acquiesce to my daughter in matters of seating arrangement and his occasional refusal to submit in instances of sharing prove his humanity. My daughter's staunch resistance to sharing and her occasional bouts of generosity prove her determination and fortitude of individuality. Maybe I'm just dressing up the fact that my kids can be brats. Maybe I'm appreciative of the fact that they have strengths and weaknesses. One thing is absolutely sure. They are mine, and for the most part... They can do no wrong that cannot be forgiven.

Dads and Daughters

A new site has come to my attention.  It's called Dad's & Daughters. I haven't fully explored this site, so I'm not about make any remarks about how good or bad the resources are. I will, however say that I agree with this article. Much like the Bratz dolls, I think that making a Pussycat Dolls line of toys would be folly and, ultimately, detrimental to the positive self image of young girls. However, the campaign that achieved the goal of pulling the toy from the drawing board isn't exactly up there on my list of "Infallible Concepts." The Campaign for a Commercial-Free Childhood seems a bit far fetched and unrealistic. Granted, I tend to lean towards the right when faced with children's issues.  I can't , however, fully accept a  campaign to eliminate commerce directed at children.

Like it or not, we live in a media driven society that is focused on consumer goods. Do I think it's right or acceptable to market directly to children? Not necessarily, but we have to understand that we live in a country that does! What's next, pull the candy out of the checkout line because we don't want to tell our children no? It's my opinion that we need to give our children the tools to deal with commercialism, not shield them from it entirely. This is the old "sugar bad, bananna good" argument. If we block our kids from all of the things that make up our culture, how are we preparing them to survive in that culture? Pardon my red colors, but I think it's time to let go of the feel good approach to parenting and deal with bigger issues. The Campaign for a Commercial-Free Childhood has its heart in the right place, but consumerism isn't a children's issue; It's a parent's issue. As a parent, we have the ability to filter (somewhat) what our kids see and do. We alone can limit the "bad" things our kids see. Furthermore, no 6 year old out there is gonna walk into a toystore, alone, and buy a toy! It just doesn't happen. The solution to "rampant consumerism" undermining our parenting is simple... Be an involved parent! See, I just saved The Campaign for a Commercial-Free Childhood an ass-load of time and effort. Now, where's my paycheck?

My little girl's first day of school...

So today is my little girl's first day of school. I have been waiting with great enthusiasm for this day to come, but now that it's here, I realize another chapter in my life is coming to a close. I originally took my current job so I could stay home with my kids. It gave me the opportunity to be there for both of my little ones whenever they needed me. My son has been in preschool for almost 2 years now, going 3 full days and loving every moment of it. With the boy in school, I was given the greatest blessing a father could ask for; a special time we like to call Daddy and Binny Time. For those uninitiated into the sacred bond between Father and Daughter, I will explain...

I love my son very much, but he is very different than my daughter. We have a different kind of relatonship, Brynn and I, than I do with my son Beckett. She is a snuggler and seeks out that type of affection. Beckett was a colicy baby and has always been extremely affectionate, but not a "snuggler". When he went to school, I became aware of a shift in my day. Brynn was getting much more attention and things seemed to be much quieter around the house. I was getting housework done. I was enjoying more leisure time. Mostly, I was able to fully enjoy my little princess and all the tea parties that came with her. I know she's always gonna be my little princess, but somehow I feel like I'm losing something. All of that precious alone time is no longer.

On the plus side, she'll be in school with her brother! She has been focused on this day for weeks and weeks and weeks. For the past month, all she could talk about was "June 5th". My son told me the other day that I shouldn't worry about Brynn because it's his job to protect her. It felt like the proverbial passing of the torch; like I had been relieved of duty by a stronger, younger soldier that had been assigned my post. Although I will gain 2 whole days to myself (minus the evenings when I have to work), I still feel as if I'm losing something much more dear to my heart. I can't wait to sleep my morning away tomorrow. But no matter how much sleep I get, I will definitely miss High Tea with Princess Butternut and Rainbow Bear.

Cookie Monster on the Wagon

It came to my attention a few months ago that there has been an unfortunate change in one of my most revered childhood icons... Cookie Monster is on the wagon. Recently, our favorite big blue eating machine decided that it was time to cut back on his favorite treat. He solidified his new position with the iconoclastic song "Cookies are a Sometimes Food". All kidding aside, the new message is a good one. Moderation is a fantastic thing for children to be learning at the pre-school level. It's still something Mr. Mom (believe it or not) struggles with daily! But isn't this a direct contradiction of Cookie's character? If ever there was an icon of unbridled gastronomic delight, would it not be Cookie Monster? There's just something disturbing about the once chocolate chip driven Cookie pushing asparagus and arugula. In all fairness, he does still enjoy the occasional cookie. We see this clearly at the end of "Cookies are a Sometimes Food" when he asks "Is sometimes now?" and he's told "Yes". Also, his new stance on healthy eating hasn't stopped his maniacal attacks on the letter of the day. I can take solace in the fact that his enthusiasm for eating in general hasn't diminished. I, personally, think Maria or Allen should be pushing the veggies and leave Cookie alone with his vices.

Riddle me this... If Keith Richards did an anti-drug PSA, would you really listen?

Outside influences

If you have kids, you have most likely experienced the dreaded "Outside Influence". For those unfamiliar with this phenomena, it occurs when your pristine little child is influenced, in one way or another, by someone other than you or your spouse. In short, it's more or less when your son comes home from school and says "Dad, you're a poopy head!" If you're lucky, and your kid is still young, that sort of benign comment may be the extent of the "Influence". If they're older, then things may be a bit more malignant. I think, as parents, that we like to live in a world where we shape our child; that we are the ones filling that beautiful vessel with the things we choose. Unfortunately, that isn't always the case. We live in a world that doesn't always jibe with our values. The things that our kids pick up from their friends (and sometimes their friend's parents) can be beyond our control. Things that would never come out of your mouth and actions that you would never condone sometimes become the norm for our offspring. Is this a good thing or is it ultimately corrosive to our parental Utopia?

I feel confident in the fact that there are very few things that my kids could do or say that I haven't done or said myself. I haven't always been Mr. Mom ya know! However, it's never easy when you see your once flawless child displaying unsavory behaviors they have never shown before. I don't want these behaviors to increase, but I'm also not willing to limit my children's exposure to the outside world. Growing up, I had a parent of a friend that banned me from their home; excommunicating me and barring me from every kick-the-can game held on their property... The reason? I questioned their child's faith and my friend agreed with me. I was a bad influence, apparently.

We've dealt with the "Outside Influence" by explaining it to my kids; explaining why mommy and daddy don't like it when kids use bad language. We've decided that full disclosure is the way to go. I'm curious if anyone else has experienced this. What are your thoughts?

One Step Ahead Glider

I love nursing. Not the physical act of course, given that I lack mammary glands, but the bonding that occurs when you have your little one's head in the crook of you elbow and they're feeding happily on a bottle. My wife (The Breadwinner) pumped and stored her milk for me (The Feeder) so that my kids could benefit from breast milk. I would have to admit the experience wouldn't have been nearly as enjoyable if not for my glider rocker.

So, one of my friends is expecting in July. She doesn't have much in the way of money, so I thought I'd do the nice thing and give her what she NEEDS not what looks cute. And, of course, I think "glider rocker!" Heck, ours wasn't that expensive, I think we can manage it. The first thing I did was find one that I liked (it looked EXACTLY like mine) and made sure it came from a reputable company. So, I think I've found the ultimate baby shower gift... until I check the price tag. One Step Ahead wants $449.95 for the chair and another $179.95 for the ottoman! That’s ridiculous, considering mine cost $179 for the rocker AND the ottoman! Of course, mine isn't from One Step Ahead, but c’mon now! Mine is almost 5 years old now and still gliding strong. If the One Step Ahead rocker lasts as long as their Woodland Climber, then it might be worth it. I said MIGHT be worth it. But if it turns out to be another Express Microwave Sterilizer, then I'd say NO WAY!!

I still haven't bought her a gift yet...

Criminal or just careless?

Something came to my attention the other day. I was sitting in my car outside a convenience store, when I saw a man with out-of-state plates pull in beside me. He got out of the car, left it running and ran in to buy some coffee and the paper. When I looked up, I noticed he had 2 small kids in the car. The youngest was in a rear facing seat, so it couldn't have been more than a year. The other looked about my son's age (4), which really isn't any better.

Reserving judgment, I waited for the man to come out with his paper and java. I didn't say anything to him. I didn't even let on that I was watching him. I wondered if he saw a problem with what he had just done. I know that if I had done it, my kids would have been half way to the Canadian border, cruising for some cheap Molson. But, apparently not all children have the lust for drunken chaos my kids seem to embrace.

So, there I sat; drinking my iced tea and wondering if the gentleman next to me did this often. I fastened my seatbelt and readied myself for the return trip home, only to find that there was a police car parked behind me! It seems a concerned citizen (who was apparently equally concerned as myself, just less concerned about being nosey) called the fuzz. I guess what the out-of-stater did bordered on child endangerment. They ended up hauling this father away in front of his kids! I understand that he made a bad choice, a victimless mistake in this instance, but who really paid for it?

I'm sure the State felt a certain amount of self-righteousness, and that the father's embarrassment will ensure he'll never repeat the mistake, but who really paid for it? I hate to say it, but no matter how horrid or wrong some people may consider his mistake to be, isn't it worse to drag the guy away in front of his kids? How do you explain it to them? To your wife? To the judge at the DSS hearing? In my opinion, the mistake was bad, but the result was worse. I have no idea what happened to the guy after they cuffed him and drove away. I know an unmarked police car took the kids somewhere. Honestly, it never occurred to me to follow up on it. I guess I'm just not that nosey.

Being Mr. Mom

Being a dad isn't always easy. Of course, I'm sure it isn't any easier to be a mother. Considering pregnancy and delivery, episiotomies and cesareans, and the pressures to be a modern working mother, it's surprising women want to have children at all! I got off easy, no spinal for me. Just an uncomfortable chair to sit in while I coached my wife through the births of our 2 children. What I'm referring to is the sometimes difficult task of explaining to  people what I do. Although I work with special needs kids five nights a week, I don't consider that my job. When asked what I do, all I can say is "I'm a stay at home Dad." It's been enough (actually, MORE than enough) to keep me busy these past 4 years. From cloth diapers to home made baby food, my true calling (being a Father) has given me more satisfaction and joy than any of my other experiences.

I can hear you now, "If that’s true, then why is being a dad so tough?" Well, there in lies the rub. This thing that I love so much isn't meant for me. At least not according to society. These experiences shouldn't be mine, because I shouldn't be the one raising my kids. That's my wife's job. Unfortunately for me, I am the aberration. The prevailing societal opinion, no matter how advanced and open minded we think our country is, is that men aren't primary caregivers. I can't be a viable, fully acceptable, caregiver because of my plumbing. That thing causes more trouble... But I digress.

The struggle I and other Stay @ Home Daddies face is changing these opinions. When I go to the market with my two children, I get the most interesting looks; looks that suggest I'm being punished. On more than one occasion, women have pulled me aside and said "You must have done something REALLY wrong to get stuck with the kids," or "How nice of you to give your wife a break." If only they knew. And forget about playgroups. Half of the moms express their "deepest condolences" ( I must be a widower... Last to know, first to go I guess) while the other half wonders where my "partner" is. My neighbor thought that I was an un-employed, drug addicted free-loader who was living off his girlfriend, not a married father of two with a night job. For some reason, unless I walk out that front door every morning at 8 am with briefcase in hand, I can't possibly be a contributing member of society. All of these things I can handle because I know I'm a great father. The real problem for guys like me isn't doing the job, it's getting the credit. Times are changing, and my chosen role is getting a bit more legitimate in the eyes of the public. Maybe by next year, my neighbor will stop telling everyone I'm "between jobs".